Sit back, grab a notebook, be serious here, and figure this out. Let’s figure out why the ladies are not seeing you as the catch you are! You may find some of these apply or are totally not you, but this at least helps you to get started with fixing what seems to be broken.

Freezing Up.

Oh yeah, a lot of us can totally relate to this one. You see her, you so badly want to talk to her, you would love to try and land a date with her, and then you turn into mute when you approach her. You may stumble over your words or you may just find that you haven’t a clue as to what to say. Is this a recurring theme every time you face a woman that you are interested in?

Females probably say you’re a really good “friend”. Sound about right? This is a case where you really need to get out of your own way. Good for you for recognizing if this is you because it’s not easy. However, if you freeze up and you recognize it, then you can only work to improve that. It comes with getting your mojo and confidence back and starting to take control over how flirting and conversation skills.

Over enthusiastic.

You can face her and even engage in conversation for a minute or two. Then you want to wow her or win her over so you try a bit of flirting and your game falls apart right there in front of your eyes. You are crashing and burning big time man! Instead of trying to win her over and show her you’re a cool guy, you chase her away. You may try to be funny and it falls flat. You may try to use body language and you look like a nut job.

If you overthink flirting or if you aren’t really sure how to use it, then you can be a victim of flirting gone wrong. Don’t let this happen to a good guy like you, but you know what, admitting it is the first step in surviving it. You can get this problem fixed and become a master at saying very little but letting flirting do the work of winning her over. Wow it’s pretty cool when you come to this point

Negative and Unconfident.

Yeah, We’re men and so we’re supposed to naturally be super confident, right? Except that when you face it head on, that’s not exactly how it goes. Society tells you that you should be this totally in control guy that knows all the right things to say and do. Deep down though you are constantly doubting yourself. Only women are supposed to feel insecure and lack confidence though, right? Wrong, come on man, that’s such an outdated view of the world!

Yes, men lack confidence and doubt themselves. Yes, we feel like we don’t have what it takes. Yes, we feel subconsciously like we are never going to win her over because why would she pick us? Why would she want to talk to us? These thoughts plague us unless we learn to shut up them up! You can learn to tell those thoughts to get out of here. Remember about the positive mindset? You have to realize that you’re one hell of a guy for women to realize it.  Give yourself a little self love and suddenly you ARE that confident guy that can use flirting and good conversation to win her over. It’s so awesome when it happens too!

Trouble closing.

You’re probably the guy who says that you don’t really want a relationship anyhow. You may even think that this is a cool thing that you can’t be ‘held down’. Yes, ‘Mr. Cool Guy’ must admit that when you can’t convert the flirting into the close of getting a date, it just kind of sucks. Maybe you feel like crap because you know deep down that something is going terribly wrong.

You may be able to chat it up with her but then you can’t keep things going for the longer term. It’s much easier to blame her but the reality is that you know that you are partially responsible. So how do you fix this? You admit that something is going wrong along the way and that you really do want a relationship to work. Yeah even you, the guy who has it all figured out and can flirt, wants to figure this out and make it right. It benefits you and the woman that you end up with too.

Commitment phobe.

Get real. What makes you so afraid of commitment in the first place? Maybe you had parents that were divorced or who had a less than stellar relationship. Maybe you got hurt before and though you hate to admit it, you are super afraid of it happening again. Maybe just maybe you have intimacy issues or trust issues or you don’t let people get too close.

No guy likes to be vulnerable and certainly doesn’t want to ever get hurt. So try and let go of your ego and lower your guard for a bit. Figuring out why your commitment issues exist in the first place, will mean you can get to the heart of the issue. Something is keeping you from being happy or even wanting to be in a relationship. Fix this and fix it quickly so you can get to the good stuff and stop shooting yourself down before you even get started.

Nobody is as perfect as you.

Okay yeah, she wasn’t a great woman and the relationship wasn’t so good anyways. No, I’m sure you don’t care that you’re alone or that women don’t talk to you at the bar. It’s her loss, it’s their problem, and you’re just fine being single – except that really you’re not. Oh I get it and I have been the one to blame the woman or every other possible scenario in the world besides myself. But when you start to see that maybe, just maybe, you are part of the problem, you can find a workable solution. It may be time to take stock of the fact you are not saying anything interesting but if your ‘perfect’ it’s far easier to blame the women you’re trying to talk to. Be honest here, own up to your own issues, and see that for once in your life you do have flaws, but they can be fixed if you learn to accept and recognize them.

Again we all have flaws and we all have things we have to work at. If you want to become a better flirt or a more interesting conversationalist, then you need to work at it. This only comes after you recognize what exactly is holding you back. I get why you might want to run the other way from it. Once you face it and figure out how to fix it though, you are more of a man and you are going to get to where you want to be. Yup, it really is that simple though you have to put in the work.

Chapter Take-aways:

– Everyone has flaws.

– Use some of the discussed underlying issues to help you to start thinking about and possibly recognizing some of your own.

– When you have identified underlying issues, you can make a plan to tackle them and move forward.